With Game of Thrones’ fourth season premiering last night, we are certain that many of you attended GoT viewing parties, wearing your finest animal-skin cloak and drinking your mead while jovially guessing what that drunken scamp Tyrion Lannister will do next. However, what if you don’t have your own animal skin cloak? You can’t go to any future GoT viewing parties looking like a soused hobo wandering the back alleys of King’s Landing. Luckily, the HBO store has teamed up with Pyrrha to bring you Throners jewelry based on the House families from the hit series. (That’s what fans of the books and show are called, right? Throners? If not, it should be. Write that down.) But which one, or ones, should you purchase? Whose House sigil speaks best to your personality and style sensibilities? Don’t lose your head! That’s Ned Stark’s job. What, too soon? Below, we have a few pieces from HBO/Pyrrha’s collection and commented on the sigils used in their jewelry designs to let you know if you should rock a Lannister lion or light up the room with a Targaryen dragon.
Sigil: The Lion
Your Motto: I $#it Gold Mother Fu%&er!
If you’re an indiscriminate person who doesn’t mind violating religious sexual taboos or states laws to get the job done, jewelry bearing the Lannister sigil is for you. The vertical lion on the standard is maintaining an offensive stance, signaling to all comers that nothing will get in your way: not armies, not war tactics, not morals, and not shared chromosomes and parentage. Wearing jewelry with the Lannister lion also tips off others to what you’re looking for in a mate: blonde, pale, unscrupulous, and genetically related. (Writer’s note to editor: You can easily delete this paragraph and type *insert incest joke* if you so desire.)
Sigil: The Wolf
Your Motto: Winter is coming, and I’m bound to make some bad decisions.
If you’re always losing your head deciding what to wear (yes, I will continue these “lose your head” jokes until someone stops me), perhaps you should incorporate the House of Stark’s sigil into your jewelry. The wolf head cuts a swath into the night, perhaps howling the rarely-used declaration from the series, “Winter is coming.” And while winter might indeed be coming, you’ll shine bright as a funeral pyre while the Stark wolf glints across your skin. Brandishing Stark jewelry will prompt envy in your friends, as you will signal to them that you’re the type of person a vicious boy-king could take as a future queen, before ultimately casting you off like an excess head. And for you folks preparing to walk down the aisle, Stark jewelry will let everyone know that it will be a wonderful day for a red wedding.
Sigil: The Stag
Your Motto: Mine is the fury!
Sometimes jewelry isn’t needed for ostentation and display at a gala event or a date night. Sometimes a man just wants to wear jewelry to let his peers knows that he’s in control, that he knows what’s what, and that he has a grip on all he surveys. Enter House of Baratheon jewelry, for those men who, like the sigil’s mighty stag, enjoy meeting new ladies, comforted with full knowledge that nothing interesting at all could be going on at home worth learning. I mean, not a thing. Nothing to see there. No usurpers or queens-making with the Lannisters.
Sigil: The Three-Headed Dragon
Your Motto: I don’t burn. It is known.
If you feel that you’re meant for better things than being in the shadow of an awful sibling and you want to show you’re ready to fly, perhaps Targaryen jewelry will aid you in your ambitions. Jewelry with the Targaryen sigil, a three-headed dragon, will let those your encounter know that you think you’re meant for great things. Don’t be surprised if men in uniform pine over you from afar or if men of few words, and with a thing for equestrianism, look your way. (Writer’s note: Couldn’t fit this in, but Khal Drago is a douchebag. Just throwing that out there. Let the angry comments roll in.)
Sigil: The Kraken
Your Motto: What is dead may never die, so I’m safe, right?
Maybe you feel like you’ve lost that spring in your step. Something feels missing when you walk into a room. Or maybe your friends think you’re a joyless stick in the mud and question your recent actions—likely inadvertently hitting on your sister, however that happens. In any case, Greyjoy jewelry might be that missing piece you’re longing for. The kraken sigil of the House alerts the world that you mean business, even when you’re lacking in the business department.