In a surprising yet logical move, Hollywood has decided to acquiesce to the money-making juggernaut that is the Marvel Studios powerhouse, with nearly every other studio entering a partner to make their films a part of the Marvel Shared Cinematic Universe.
One industry insider, who wished to remain nameless, said the decision was that of inevitability. “Really, it saves time,” he explained. “Disney already owns the rights to the Star Wars and Marvel franchises. It’s only a matter of time before the Mickey Mouse Machine consumes all in its path, making every franchise one with the Org.”
Most filmmakers see the move as a positive.
“In retrospect, I wish we would have thought of doing this sooner,” said Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 director Andy Fickman in a recent interview. “Imagine how many more viewers would’ve come see Kevin James do what Kevin James does if Rocket Raccoon were his mouthy sidekick?” Fickman looks off into the middle distance.
“That raccoon, man,” he sighs, “now he’s funny.”
“Just consider the possibilities. Look, I love Midnight Cowboy as much as the next film aficionado; it’s a classic,” he explains. “But I can’t be the only one who felt a hair uncomfortable with the oppressive desperation that drenched the film. Now, if we retroactively inserted, say, Howard the Duck to hang out with Jon Voigt and Dustin Hoffman, the tale of a failed male prostitute would be a little more palatable to an all-ages audience.”
There was no word as of press time whether Warner Bros., producers of the DC Universe films, would follow suit.