With issue 3 of Fight Club 2, the comic book sequel to writer and creator Chuck Palahniuk’s acclaimed novel Fight Club, now in comic stores from Dark Horse Comics, reviews of the series will inevitably reference the first two rules of Fight Club:
- You do not talk about Fight Club.
- You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.
If you’re a diehard fan of the novel and the David Fincher film of the same name, you might even know rules 3 through 8:
- If someone yells “stop,” goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
- Only two guys to a fight.
- One fight at a time.
- The fights are bare-knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons.
- Fights will go on as long as they have to.
- If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.
But did you realize that there are 8 more rules to Fight Club that didn’t make the final draft of the novel? I’ve unearthed those 8 for the most fervent fans of Chuck Palahniuk’s world.
- Bathe before a match. It’s just common courtesy. Yes, we realize you’ll be getting sweaty and dirty during a Fight Club meeting, but that doesn’t mean you have to cake your own unwashed filth onto your fellow competitors.
- If you win a match, please don’t put your foot on the loser’s head and proclaim, “I’m king of the mountain.” Looking at you, Bob.
- In that same vein, don’t urinate on your competitor’s face to mark your territory and display your dominance.
- No tickling. No wet willies. No making your opponent slap himself with his own hand and saying, “Stop hitting yourself.”
- There’s acceptable smack-talk and unacceptable smack-talk. Know the difference. Acceptable: “I’m going to demolish you, pretty boy!” Unacceptable: “I bet your dog tastes like a pulled-pork sandwich.” One is bravado; the other is creepy.
- No, we won’t use your kick-ass superhero codename, “Texas Tornado.” This is Fight Club, not the Avengers.
- No atomic knee-drops.
- Don’t sing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” to your opponent. It’s such a wonderful song that he’ll get unfairly distracted.
Commit those rules to your memory, kids, if you are a true Fight Club fan. And be sure not to talk about them.
Fight Club 2 #1-3, written by Chuck Palahniuk and written by Cameron Stewart, is now in comic shops. Issue 4 hits August 26.
Related: Review of Fight Club 2 #1